I know that I am not alone in this. People may say things to you that set your teeth on edge, and you are left feeling frustrated, because what they said has either made you want to blurt out something that you would regret later, or bite your tongue until it bleeds.
You give the person the benefit of the doubt; they are having a bad day, it wasn’t intentional, they didn’t realize what they were doing, let it go. You decide to let it go.
Then it happens again. They say the same or something similar to you, and you have the same reaction. You can decide in advance how you will respond to this comment, because chances are it may happen again.
It may not be a comment, but the way the person treats you. If they treated you in a disrespectful manner once before, it could happen again. You are caught off guard and don’t know how to respond, so, you don’t say or do anything. When it happens again, you still don’t know what to do. It’s time to decide your reaction on purpose.
This is where deciding your reaction on purpose is important. What will you do or say when it happens again?
I had a situation at work where a co – worker started to yell at me. The first time it happened, I was shaken and angry at myself for allowing it to happen and not having a response.
I eventually let it go and forgot about it.
Then it happened again, and I still wasn’t ready for it. Some people know just what to do or say to defuse the situation. My default is to want to strike back, but I don’t. I have learned, that it may cause more grief and trouble than I need if I keep fanning the fire.
After the second time, I decided on purpose what I would say or do if it happened again. I planned out what I would say, and how I would say it. It was important for me to remain calm, firm, and unemotional.
Yup, it happened a third time, and I was ready. I had already decided on my reaction. My response was: “Please stop yelling at me. If you don’t, I will leave. You can talk to me once you have calmed down.” I picked up my materials and left.
My reaction and response was unexpected; the person yelling was caught off guard, and didn’t know how to react – the pattern was broken. The person came around later to speak with me and we were able to sort things out.
I’ve found that deciding on purpose helps me prepare myself to deal with uncomfortable, disrespectful, or bullying situations.
Everyone has a bad day once in a while. This isn’t that situation. I am talking about a situation where the person just treats you badly over and over again.